A Modern Climatologist

Guest Post – the wit and rhyme of Mostly Harmless (with apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan’s HMS Pinafore The Pirates of Penzance – Major-General’s song – if you’re not sure of the meter click here to listen).

I am the very model of a modern climatologist,
I’m smart and brash and canny, and not a whit apologist.
I know my greenhouse science from Keeling and Arrhenius,
My hero is Pachauri, a prognosticating genius.
My arguments are fashioned from proxies picked and polished,
So hockey-sticks of various hues see history demolished.
Concerning greenhouse warming, I’m up there with the best,
My graphical analysis survives the chi-square test.
Radiation science is meat and drink to me –
The facts are at my fingertips, it’s plain for all to see.

I’m smart and brash and canny, and not a whit apologist,
I am the very model of a modern climatologist.
Not for me the blogosphere, the endless tittle-tattle,
Scientific studies are my weapons for the battle.
I know the mainstream journals, and I quote the studies actual,
With peer-review, old-pals-act too, they needn’t be so factual.

I’m smart and brash and canny, and not a whit apologist,
I am the very model of a modern climatologist.
I’m very good at bluster, hype, and statements categorical,
Don’t fence with me, for as you’ll see, my logic is canonical.
Obfuscation is my stock-in-trade, and devious my tactics,
Debating not, I write a lot, so routing all the sceptics.

I’m smart and brash and canny, and not a whit apologist,
I am the very model of a modern climatologist.
My enemies are mindless jerks, I’ll see them FOI-led again,
I delete my emails daily, and watch them hunt in vain.
Deniers all, their star will fall, the IPCC resplendent,
Will win the day, you all will pay, the EPA’s ascendant.

I’m smart and brash and canny, and not a whit apologist,
I am the very model of a modern climatologist.
From climate models numerous, and data-sets adjusted,
And linear regressions, come forecasts to be trusted.
Mankind is doomed, I’m sad to say, of that there’s little doubt.
The earth will burn, though rising seas will put the fires out.
The media are all agog, and keep the airwaves humming,
For bad news sells, attention dwells, just keep the funding coming.
I’m smart and brash and canny, and not a whit apologist.
I am the very model of a modern climatologist.

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17 Responses to A Modern Climatologist

  1. Pingback: A Modern Climatologist | Cranky Old Crow

  2. I love G&S. Wonderful!

  3. Tonyb says:

    Anyone here in south Devon over the summer should call in to see the home of D’oyle carte who provided stagings of Gilbert and sullivans highly melodic works

    http://www.englishriviera.co.uk/things-to-do/national-trust-coleton-fishacre-p1205643

    A special bonus to mostly harmless if he can persuade the national trust , owners of the house, to stage his version of Hms pinafore

    Sadly a number of the succulents in the wonderful garden have been destroyed by the run of cold winters, as have mine
    Tonyb

  4. j ferguson says:

    brilliant.

  5. John Robertson says:

    Love it, funny the imprint G&S made on us.
    Every time a pompous certainty, spewing CAGW, has been trotted out on the media here, I too have been hearing the ,” I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General.”,in the back of my mind.
    Is it revival time? For the children, who have seen zero global warming in 17 years, have not heard of Gilbert &Sullivan, Mother Goose, Bros Grimm or Hans Christian Anderson.
    The tale of the Emperors New Clothes has to be explained to modern children, yet they are living it, being sold an imaginary fabric, apparently real to the “respectable persons”, at great expense.
    Yet reality is there as always, waiting to be recognized.

    • Jim Ireland says:

      I have always enjoyed G&S having player in Pirates while at school. I love the comment here about the Emperors New clothes because having met Ian Plimer at a book signing in 2011 I had him write”the Emperor is wearing no clothes” above his signature. I am glad there are so many others on the same page.

  6. Another Ian says:

    Brilliant!

  7. E.M.Smith says:

    OK, we need someone with “talent” (and costumes!) to make a skit of it and put up a YouTube!

    I’m telling you, this could go viral in a heartbeat… 😉

    • Verity Jones says:

      I wholeheartedly agree. Perhaps we should send it to Minnesotans for Global Warming. I think Mostly Harmless has a few more up his sleeve. I do hope so.

  8. Pingback: A Modern Climatologist | Digging in the Clay | Cranky Old Crow

  9. Just a small point. The “modern Major General” is from “Pirates of Penzance”, not “pinafore”, although they mention it in his song. It’s not a good look to get details wrong when tackling the Warmists who are past masters at obfuscation and deliberate falsehood.

    [Oops – thanks for noting the error – one case where I didn’t check I just assumed. V]

  10. david elder says:

    D’oyle carte: I knew it! Big Oyle!

  11. Thanks all for the critical acclaim. I enjoyed writing this (too all of 10 minutes). I’d like to think it’s proper satire – all based on truth. I may add verses when the muse returns.

  12. Pingback: A Better Fellow | Digging in the Clay

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